Of honey and flesh
by Yumi Take
Summary: Sekiji hates this place. He makes sure to write that down everytime, along with the names of today's fallen. War has never been glorious and hell smells like burned flesh and honey.


A. N. : Honey is a natural antisceptic and has been used medically for ages. As for war medicine, it is a very messy thing, especially when you don't have watery magic powers. I've always wanted to write about a Fire Nation medic. (This text is loosely related to _A viper-lizard's tales_ , but takes place a long time before.)

* * *

War is nothing glorious.

The generals can repeat all they want that war is the expression of the Fire Nation's greatness, it will never make that true. War is ugly and messy and the only reason these sons of monkey-dogs think otherwise is because they've never set foot on a battlefield. Cowards who think screaming orders makes them powerful, who think they know everything because they went to a military school and learned all the strategies. They don't even realize the reason they're alive in the first place is that their parents paid to keep them as far away from the front lines as possible. Wouldn't want to lose the children of the _oh so important_ nobility after all.

Sekiji hates them. Sometimes he thinks he hates them even more than the war.

War is ugly and messy, but it doesn't send you to death for no reason. It just eats the people thrown at it. It eats and eats and eats and either spits out corpses or half-people. Broken faces, broken bodies, broken minds. Some look like they're already dead, others start screaming and never stop, others just laugh in the middle of the disaster, surrounded by the corpses of their comrades. Some injure themselves to get out of this hell, but if they don't lie well enough they get executed. They still do it though. Just goes to show which is worse.

Sometimes, Sekiji just wants to run to the front lines and get crushed by a rock so it all _ends_. But he can't, no matter how strong the desire is some days.

He has lives to save.

Before coming there, before seeing and living in this mess, he was wondering why the army would conscript doctors. Soldiers made sense at the time, there was a big battle coming and they needed more people. But doctors ? Weren't there enough volunteers already ?

It's almost painful to remember how naïve he used to be. War eats and eats and when it spits out someone alive, you have to be quick or they won't stay that way very long. And what better way to stop a hemorrhage than to cauterize the wound ? What the army wanted wasn't _just_ doctors, no matter what they told Sekiji when he tried to tell them he had patients and couldn't just leave like that. No, what they wanted was _firebending_ doctors.

And no, it wasn't the first time Sekiji had done that, accidents happen sometimes and when a tree falls on someone there aren't many options. But now it's all he ever does. Wait behind so as not to get hurt, rush forward as soon as the battle is over, and burn flesh, again and again and again and again, until all the survivors got out of the battlefield and there's just him and the dead. Take care of the wounded and the cauterized better once back to the base. Rinse and repeat.

Of course, once the people are kind of healed, they get sent back in this hell immediately.

Sekiji wonders sometimes if it wouldn't be better to take care of them a bit less, just a bit, so they don't have to go back so soon. He never does that, even when they ask. He can never look them in the eye when he heals because he's not helping them, not really. But letting them hurt wouldn't make him feel any better.

At least he saved them, even for just a while. That's what he tells himself. He writes down the names of all the other ones, when he arrived too late, or when there was just nothing he could do. Tao often tells him to stop, that he's just hurting himself, and every time Sekiji answers that _someone_ has to tell the families what really happened, because the higher ups sure as hell won't.

Tao isn't wrong though. Not really.

The worst times are probably when the newest recruits arrive. They're still full of enthusiasm, still believe the lies everyone is fed. The ones that survive the first battle don't buy any of that anymore, but it's not like they have a choice. New ones never stop coming, because the Fire Lord never stopped the conscription order, even though it was supposed to be only for a few months.

It's been _years_ already. Sekiji is tired. He just wants to stop. And yet, he rushes to the front again.

The earthbenders made what feels like a whole _mountain_ fall on a troop, and Sekiji already starts counting. He needs to get more paper. And make sure he has enough ink.

A firebender, he thinks her name is Aiko, directs him towards a man who got _only_ half buried. His face is bleeding a lot but head injuries tend to do that and it doesn't look too bad. The real issue will be to get him out so he can get proper care.

Sekiji wishes he could say the decision is _hard_ to make, but it's been too long and he is _tired_ and he has to be fast so others don't die. The guy screams all the while. Sekiji was right, his face injuries aren't that bad. Then, when Tao is done with the saw and hurries somewhere else, he screams some more before passing out. Blood loss most likely, between his head and his leg. Legs always bleed a lot too, and it's hard to cauterize fast enough at first. Now, Sekiji doesn't even have to think about what he's doing anymore while burning the flesh, it all comes too naturally. If he ever goes home, he probably won't be able to remember how to heal normally. Maybe he'll just become a fisherman. Just him, the sea, and silence.

He lets Aiko take the guy to the base and goes on. He will have to ask around for this guy's name, but he can do that while asking about the dead, later. Later, after he is done helping those he can and counting those he couldn't. There's a lot of these today. Sekiji feels tired.

He washes the blood off his hands one last time before heading back. He needs to prepare the list to renew the inventory. Paper, ink, alcohol. With today, gauze and compresses too, probably. Honey. The hierarchy is going to complain about wasting money as usual but they haven't been here, don't know what they're talking about, and they will comply anyway, as always, because they don't want to visit _hell_ just to check where the money goes.

Tao is already in the tent when Sekiji comes in. He is busy with a broken skull, which explains why he didn't take care of the amputee yet. The face is one thing, but the skull is another and injuries there are often among the worst, because of the brain. And so, Sekiji is the one to take a look at _Shi_. Aiko was the one to give him the name.

Shi's face is alright. It will scar and it will hurt, but nothing important was damaged. As for his leg, well, it should be alright with time, probably, if he survives. And Sekiji will make sure he survives. Honey on the wound, then gauze, then sew up the cuts on his face, some more honey and gauze.

Sekiji washes his hands. Definitely, add alcohol to the list. Shi has to live. He lost a leg, but he also gained a way out of hell, and Sekiji doesn't want to see that go to waste.

Not when he himself can't escape.


End file.
